Saturn-ruled 8th house: Needs? I don’t have needs.

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Saturn eats the needy. Yes, that means babies too. Image source: Heidekolb’s blog: http://jungianwork.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/rubens_saturn.jpg

Phew! I’ve finally uncovered the mystery of my 8th house, ruled by Capricorn/Saturn. I have difficulty getting my needs met. I don’t like to ask for help even when I desperately need it. I don’t like to acknowledge my needs because I see them as weakness. I don’t like to acknowledge other people’s needs because of the inability to acknowledge my own. I keep tight boundaries around my emotions and expect that others do the same. I’ve found that some of these qualities work very well—I have tremendous coping abilities. However, I’m lacking in real human relationships with other people who are not so frigid with their feelings.

The downside to this Capricorn/Saturn-ruled 8th house is that my natal Saturn is in my natal 4th house. And that’s not all. Natal Saturn in the 4th house is also conjunct my natal Sun (cusp of 5th house) and natal Moon. Yes, I’m a  cold-hearted, daughter-of-a-bitch. These placements are awesome when I hear that someone has died or that impending doom is approaching—these placements are not awesome when I really just want to cuddle. Seriously, I do like to cuddle. I just don’t get the opportunity to do so because I’m too busy setting boundaries around when the proper cuddling time starts, who the proper cuddling partner is, and how the cuddling should be performed. Oh, and most importantly, self-imposed guidelines to determine if the cuddling is deserved, necessary, or merely an indulgence that highlights my weakness for wanting intimacy.

Dealing with this astrological arrangement poses many challenges. I swing to extremes when I decide that my emotional needs are important. I throw tantrums. I get drunk and cause scenes. I demand attention during inappropriate moments. I cry randomly. I laugh when others cry. Sigh… I have to find the appropriate balance with my humanity and my machine-like temperament. I admire machines and systems. But I admire humans more. We made the machines and systems to suit OUR NEEDS.